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Living without ghosts


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So if you understand the loose reference of the title, then can we take a second to appreciate the pop genius of Taylor Swift? If you don't, no worries- it's from Bad Blood from Miss Swift's new album, 1989. The bridge of the song croons that "band aids don't fix bullet holes / you say sorry just for show / if you live like that, you live with ghosts". Whilst obsessively listening to the entire album on repeat, the aforementioned lines got me thinking.
Do we all live with ghosts? Because I can almost guarantee that not every apology I've given, regrettably, has been completely sincere. Do we say sorry just for show? What defines the difference between when you say sorry because you want forgiveness and for the badness to disappear, and when you truly are, from the depths of everything you are...sorry.
Perhaps apologies, and their sincerity differ on the person to whom you are apologising. Saying sorry to a relative could be seen as more important than the quick "sorry" you utter when treading on someone's foot whilst shimmying past them on a busy street- but what if, run with me here, every apology was of the same weight? Or if every sorry you ever said, had to mean something? Would we apologize less? Or would we be forced to open our eyes to how our actions affect those around us?
If saying sorry for show was no longer an option, would relationships be better or worse?
As a child, I certainly said my fair share of sulky "sorry"s when I'd pilfered a biscuit or two. I wasn't sorry! I'd snuck in an extra jam cream- how proposterous, to think I'd regret it! Gosh mama! 
If I was unable to apologize unless I really, truly, honestly meant it- would I be in more trouble, or less? It would make the world a more honest place. But I guess that's because apologies are quite often the aftermath of a dose of hefty, unpleasant honesty (or being caught, but even then, you have to be honest and admit to it!). So is saying sorry for show another way of lying? Do you become less honest if you're apologising to rectify a situation for which you aren't sorry, and there's no clear wrongdoing, just the messy business of feelings?
If you apologize to spare someone's feelings, then, are you doing right or wrong?
I guess honesty doesn't leave much room for the consideration of feelings most times...but I'm going to give only apologising when I'm sorry a go. I'll report back on how unpopular I get!

The Uni Post

So after an entire month of literally shtum, I'm typing this at my desk, in my newly tidied room. I don't know what it is about having a tidy room helping you think better, but  I'm (to my mother's delight- though I'm 6 hours away) an advocate of keeping your space tidy.
I revamped my notice board, and settled in a little more to my surroundings. I haven't written anything university related yet, purely because I haven't felt like enough of an expert. To be honest, with the subject of university though, you needn't be an expert, because you're learning something every day.
It's a big change. Even if you've lived independently before, moving into student accommodation is hugely different to anything I've, personally, ever experienced. Sharing a kitchen and bathrooms (depending on your accommodation- they vary hugely) with up to 11 other human beings, most likely all of your age, therefore equally as likely to be as messy as you...Well, it makes for frantic bursts of cleaning, and always wandering why the side is a little sticky. In my flat, the washing up in one of the sinks is forever present. The utensils vary, but there's always an impressive stack crying out to be cleaned. It calls for something I like to call "Washing Up Jenga", which is more of a mixture of tetris and jenga when you need a plate from the middle of the stack.
Go to your lectures! I can't stress this enough. Even though quite literally everyone will tell you that first year is "no biggie", getting into the right mindframe from day 1 is important. Unless you really can't, try and get to the lectures and soak up all the information you can! At the end of the day, chances are, you're paying to be there! The occasional hungover skipped 9am lecture can be forgiven, but try to keep a balance (in favour of learning).
Get to know your city and make yourself at home. This is kind of cheating because, separately, they could be 2 big things independent of each other. I've loved getting to know my city, and as I have, I've grown so much more comfortable, and can recommend a few awesome independent coffee shops out off the cuff if asked. As for making yourself as home, it overlaps with the first point a little in that everything starts to seem brighter once you're settled and comfortable. So by wandering around your city, and making your room a little more yours, you can cut the feeling of being a newbie in a huge, new city, which can be daunting. Obviously try to stay in the confines of the rules of your accommodation, but beyond that? Go crazy. Bunting is always a good idea.
Call people from home. Just because you're somewhere new doesn't mean that you have to be cut off from your life beforehand. Unless you stayed in the same city you grew up in, chances are you'll know very few people. Uni is so exciting because once you loose your inhibitions, you're always meeting new people- but don't forget the ones you grew up with. It can be friends or family that you call, but just occasionally remind them that you're thinking of them. It means a great deal- they're probably missing you and wondering how you're doing.
Join a society. This is completely down to the individual, but if something takes your fancy- go for it! In the first week, I joined lacrosse and haven't looked back. I love the sport, the team and the bonding. There are so many society socials (read: insane drinking and probably dressing up) to help the new'uns get to know pre-existing members, and especially in sports- noone's expecting you to be incredible. They just want you to turn and give it your best. It's definitely a commitment, but having a routine is crucial (for me anyway!) for settling down anywhere.
Remember to feed yourself! As my flatmates learned, living off of nachos with cheese is not a way to sustain yourself (or ensure your jeans still fit!). It's all new, and the freedom of choosing everything you eat is exciting; but keep in mind that the food you're eating needs to fuel all the things you'll be doing. A couple of veg never killed anybody, and it'll break up the constant stream of pasta. ;)

I'll probably write another one of these in a few weeks- would you be interested in that? Have you got any life lessons from uni I've totally forgotten?