How to Be Happy

Contrary to popular belief, there is no 'recipe' for happiness.
Losing that extra pound, making your first million, being hopelessly loved. No exact combination of things will make two people happy in the same way. Sure, they'd be great, but it won't satiate your lust for true happiness forever.
And it's taken me days to realise, letting my mind chew over it whilst I tread through a rain soaked city, where the wet, black pavement invites me to my destination. I've rolled the thoughts between my fingertips like cool, iridescent pearls, and nursed them like children.
And that's it.
Happiness isn't textbook. Never has been and never will be.
To put it into a food metaphor (because we all luuurve those)- imagine it like you're creating an array of dishes for a new restaurant. Headlining the menu is "True Happiness", an elusive and rare dining experience. You trial everything you can think of- relationships, shopping, music- but searching solace in those comes up nil. Relationships become empty, the thrill of purchase only extends to as long as you truly consider something new and music becomes repetitive. You find individual ingredients that are divine- but just not for your dish of happiness. The relationship that looks incredible from the outside, and from social media, is no more than a feeling of complete lostness and aimless, and an emptiness as you realise your words lose meaning.
I'm still trying to find my happiness, and you may still be to.
One day, all of our versions of happy will be complete...but, as with life, it's all a journey.
The best I can recommend is to enjoy it.

Each moment is precious. x

Vegan stint

Just like with everything, the first day back at something is hard.
Yesterday was my first day back at intentional Veganism (that is, to say, that intentionally eating only produce that doesn't contain eggs, dairy or meat). I went to sleep hungry, after demolishing a sweet potato with home-made organic tomato sauce and sweetcorn, and woke up absolutely ravished. I even tweeted Dominoes at around 2am, putting my troubles into words. Clearly, the folks at Dominoes weren't going to discourage me, but I made it!
Today was better. I went grocery shopping and bought a helluva lot of healthy foods. On the walk home, heaving under the weight of bags that were far too heavy, I had an idea.
The interwebs is full of vegan recipes- but none of them seem to be that accessible for students (i.e. perpetually poor and occasionally too lazy to even consider picking up a saucepan). So my intention is to occasionally put up cheap, easy and tasty Vegan recipes for all of you out there wanting to get into it, but are somewhat daunted by the big, scary world of alternative eating habits.
I was vegan for about 6 months earlier this year, and have been on and off before that. I can't honestly say I go vegan for moral reason- that's an added bonus. I go V because I enjoy the feeling of putting good, responsibly resourced foods into my body. And that, in turn, does my body the world of good.
I don't find cutting out meat and dairy too difficult (apart from the occasional NEED for pizza), and neither should anyone else. If you're interested in Veganism, I'd be more than happy to write about it for you- my experience with it, recipes and advantages vs disadvantages of short-term conversion. My feeling is that 4 months at a time is a good way of going about the eating habits, if you can manage it. Then phasing back in dairy and meat, should you so please. But it's down to you- any time upwards of a few weeks is going to be so beneficial to your body.
Again, the first few days are rough if you haven't done it before. You'll be hungry, tempted to shout at your vegetables and go, sit and eat cereal. Or order the biggest takeaway known to man. But stick at it- it's worth it!
Now excuse me whilst I go finish my vegan, raw apple crumble. Recipe to follow, but images are above!

Take me to church

This could sound preachy.
I think that, almost unconditionally, the internet is a bad place to start a discussion about religion. But this needs to be said, for myself.
I had a long day on Sunday, and after getting home from a long shift at work, I was looking forward to sleeping and chowing down on whatever salad I had in the fridge. But as I sat, post shower, at my laptop, I began to think. It's 5pm on a Sunday...what if...what if I went to church?
I got the most insane butterflies, and this bewildered me. Why would I get nervous about something like that? Does that even make any sense? So instead of shrugging it off, and I followed the butterflies and clobbered a search into google. The reaping of said search introduced me to a next generation church that was 1.6 miles away. So with 40 minutes until the 6:30pm service, I followed my feet and found my way.
I've been to church before. I was in a church choir for 10 years, but there wasn't a religious connection to it. It was more of just a thing that I did a few times a week. I went to a few concerts with a dear friend of mine, Israel, and felt something but not enough to get me to go back.
But church on Sunday was different. I felt so at home, so at peace and so full of light. I went to prayer and talked through a girl who also attends the church and we prayed together. Clearly it's a very personal thing, but I've been  having some dark days recently, and I felt so whole after praying.
The sermon was about patience. Even the bible (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) outright states "Love is patient."
That's it! Right there. On the subject of love, an infinite, confusing, beautiful and wonderful thing- the first thing that is written in those letters on the subject of love is that it. is. patient.
That we should be patient with the weak, the discouraged and the cruel- just with everyone. How cool is that?
And since then, when I've felt myself losing patience, I remember. And I am patient. It's still a work in progress, but I feel as though, for the first time in a very long time, I'm getting somewhere.
My days, like my feet and heart, feel so much lighter. 

Life in November

So I've been busy.
In the last few weeks, my social engagements per week have sky rocketed, which mystifies me because I'm hugely uninteresting most of the time. Yesterday (Sunday 30th November), I played my first proper lacrosse match; an away match at Durham. GULC played well, but as most us playing were freshaaaz playing our first matches, we didn't quite win. I had so much fun though, and can't wait for the club Christmas dinner on Thursday...Christmas jumpers and wine are mandatory apparently.
I also joined the team of writers on the network of University news called the Tab. So I present myself to you as the newest addition to the Tab, Glasgow. I'm working on a few articles for it, but my personal stuff etc remains here!
I've been loving my job at Build-a-Bear- it's truly the happiest place on earth, and the best job I've ever had. I was so unhappy a month ago when I was waitressing and felt so lost- so much so that the idea of another shift would reduce me to tears. I'll write about my experience in another post, but trust me when I say that I didn't have the best time of it. The team at BAB are BABes (geddit?) and I can't emphasise how much I love it enough.
My apologies for not writing for so long- I've been quite disenchanted and uninspired recently. I think it's exam stresses starting to gnaw at me a little- but I'm going to try and be better. Stick with me?

Living without ghosts

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So if you understand the loose reference of the title, then can we take a second to appreciate the pop genius of Taylor Swift? If you don't, no worries- it's from Bad Blood from Miss Swift's new album, 1989. The bridge of the song croons that "band aids don't fix bullet holes / you say sorry just for show / if you live like that, you live with ghosts". Whilst obsessively listening to the entire album on repeat, the aforementioned lines got me thinking.
Do we all live with ghosts? Because I can almost guarantee that not every apology I've given, regrettably, has been completely sincere. Do we say sorry just for show? What defines the difference between when you say sorry because you want forgiveness and for the badness to disappear, and when you truly are, from the depths of everything you are...sorry.
Perhaps apologies, and their sincerity differ on the person to whom you are apologising. Saying sorry to a relative could be seen as more important than the quick "sorry" you utter when treading on someone's foot whilst shimmying past them on a busy street- but what if, run with me here, every apology was of the same weight? Or if every sorry you ever said, had to mean something? Would we apologize less? Or would we be forced to open our eyes to how our actions affect those around us?
If saying sorry for show was no longer an option, would relationships be better or worse?
As a child, I certainly said my fair share of sulky "sorry"s when I'd pilfered a biscuit or two. I wasn't sorry! I'd snuck in an extra jam cream- how proposterous, to think I'd regret it! Gosh mama! 
If I was unable to apologize unless I really, truly, honestly meant it- would I be in more trouble, or less? It would make the world a more honest place. But I guess that's because apologies are quite often the aftermath of a dose of hefty, unpleasant honesty (or being caught, but even then, you have to be honest and admit to it!). So is saying sorry for show another way of lying? Do you become less honest if you're apologising to rectify a situation for which you aren't sorry, and there's no clear wrongdoing, just the messy business of feelings?
If you apologize to spare someone's feelings, then, are you doing right or wrong?
I guess honesty doesn't leave much room for the consideration of feelings most times...but I'm going to give only apologising when I'm sorry a go. I'll report back on how unpopular I get!

The Uni Post

So after an entire month of literally shtum, I'm typing this at my desk, in my newly tidied room. I don't know what it is about having a tidy room helping you think better, but  I'm (to my mother's delight- though I'm 6 hours away) an advocate of keeping your space tidy.
I revamped my notice board, and settled in a little more to my surroundings. I haven't written anything university related yet, purely because I haven't felt like enough of an expert. To be honest, with the subject of university though, you needn't be an expert, because you're learning something every day.
It's a big change. Even if you've lived independently before, moving into student accommodation is hugely different to anything I've, personally, ever experienced. Sharing a kitchen and bathrooms (depending on your accommodation- they vary hugely) with up to 11 other human beings, most likely all of your age, therefore equally as likely to be as messy as you...Well, it makes for frantic bursts of cleaning, and always wandering why the side is a little sticky. In my flat, the washing up in one of the sinks is forever present. The utensils vary, but there's always an impressive stack crying out to be cleaned. It calls for something I like to call "Washing Up Jenga", which is more of a mixture of tetris and jenga when you need a plate from the middle of the stack.
Go to your lectures! I can't stress this enough. Even though quite literally everyone will tell you that first year is "no biggie", getting into the right mindframe from day 1 is important. Unless you really can't, try and get to the lectures and soak up all the information you can! At the end of the day, chances are, you're paying to be there! The occasional hungover skipped 9am lecture can be forgiven, but try to keep a balance (in favour of learning).
Get to know your city and make yourself at home. This is kind of cheating because, separately, they could be 2 big things independent of each other. I've loved getting to know my city, and as I have, I've grown so much more comfortable, and can recommend a few awesome independent coffee shops out off the cuff if asked. As for making yourself as home, it overlaps with the first point a little in that everything starts to seem brighter once you're settled and comfortable. So by wandering around your city, and making your room a little more yours, you can cut the feeling of being a newbie in a huge, new city, which can be daunting. Obviously try to stay in the confines of the rules of your accommodation, but beyond that? Go crazy. Bunting is always a good idea.
Call people from home. Just because you're somewhere new doesn't mean that you have to be cut off from your life beforehand. Unless you stayed in the same city you grew up in, chances are you'll know very few people. Uni is so exciting because once you loose your inhibitions, you're always meeting new people- but don't forget the ones you grew up with. It can be friends or family that you call, but just occasionally remind them that you're thinking of them. It means a great deal- they're probably missing you and wondering how you're doing.
Join a society. This is completely down to the individual, but if something takes your fancy- go for it! In the first week, I joined lacrosse and haven't looked back. I love the sport, the team and the bonding. There are so many society socials (read: insane drinking and probably dressing up) to help the new'uns get to know pre-existing members, and especially in sports- noone's expecting you to be incredible. They just want you to turn and give it your best. It's definitely a commitment, but having a routine is crucial (for me anyway!) for settling down anywhere.
Remember to feed yourself! As my flatmates learned, living off of nachos with cheese is not a way to sustain yourself (or ensure your jeans still fit!). It's all new, and the freedom of choosing everything you eat is exciting; but keep in mind that the food you're eating needs to fuel all the things you'll be doing. A couple of veg never killed anybody, and it'll break up the constant stream of pasta. ;)

I'll probably write another one of these in a few weeks- would you be interested in that? Have you got any life lessons from uni I've totally forgotten?

We are golden

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Ladies & gentlemen, from the depths of my duvet, wrapped around a christmas-y hot water bottle, I bring you a beautiful concept that originated in 15th century Japan. Never have I felt so moved by something that I simply couldn't rest  until I'd shared it with you...but here we are.
I present to you; Kintsugi. The art of embracing damage and the appreciation of brokenness. Essentially, when a piece of china was broken, if the owner could afford such luxuries, the pieces would be sent to a joiner who would piece it back together. However, instead of using resin, or paste, the joiner would use gold to hold together the reassembled piece, thus highlighting the ghost of damage. The art of kintsukuori highlights how beautiful healing is. The metaphor of all of us having been broken at some point, or feeling lost and without hope- but celebrating how beautiful these scars have made us...It swells my heart.
The art's philosophy has similarities to the Japanese philosophy by the name of wabi-sabi, which encourages and praises the embracing of flaws. It also encompasses the beauty of an object growing as it is used- and it needing to be repaired is the ultimate sign of beauty, as it has been used alot, thus has lived alot. Essentially, the philosophy is telling us that the scars of experiences we gain from life make us more beautiful, because we have lived. And that in itself is a wonderful thing.
Not only are examples of kintsugi absolutely gorgeous, but they're an incredible reminder that we are all only human. And instead of hiding away our cracks and breaks, it's a shining example of why we should wear these scars with pride. Because they are beautiful. As are we. We are more beautiful for having been broken, and reassembled, than to have never been broken at all.